No Return to Darkness

Consumed with this thought of failure, but who creates that failure what defines my failure?

What happens if I do this?

Finally I feel like I am beginning to center myself, my feelings and emotions.

Yet a lingering darkness awaits, stalking my happiness waiting for a moment to flood my brain with negative thoughts, doubt, and shame.

Waiting for a moment of weakness to regain its power over me, to pull me back down to the darkness that consumed me for so long.

I won't let it I can't, I won't go back, I can't survive that darkness again, I WONT live there anymore.

Some days this battle seems futile and I feel as though I will forever be at war with myself…. still I refuse to let this fear hold control over me and my life anymore.

I refuse to let fear win…..

As I push through this fear I find pieces of me, I find happiness, I find a passion to improve and grow, to help others. I choose to release this shame and let myself embrace the possibility of failure… the possibility of happiness and success

I accept the idea of change and know that I will come out of this no matter what because I will forever fight to stay out of that darkness that held me captive in my own mind for so long.

On the bad days I will remind myself that this is part of my journey. It is in our darkest days we learn the most. It is here we can understand our pain and fear, here we can look the darkness in the face ask it WHY ARE YOU HERE WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!

Here we can take back our power! Here we can see that we are not monsters but people, people who have been through so much pain and trauma.

We are worth love & happiness We matter and deserve to be here!

We can find clarity in our madness and see that we can change, we can reframe our thinking, we can heal and recover our life.

I choose to find my grounding when my foundation becomes unstable, I choose to create my baseline to focus my emotions. I choose to challenge my perspectives to always stay open to my growth. I choose to wonder into the unknown that is life and embrace all that I face with compassion and wonder.